You Didn’t Fail the Diet

The Diet Failed You

Meet Raven...

Raven is the kind of person who lights up a room with their wit and creativity. At 34 years old, they’ve built a career as a graphic designer, blending artistic flair with sharp problem-solving skills. But despite their outward confidence, Raven has spent years battling low self-worth and body shame.

Raven grew up in a family where weight was always a topic of conversation. Their mom was constantly trying the latest fad diet, and their dad loved to tease them about “second helpings.” By the time they hit their teens, Raven had internalized one toxic message: thinner is better, and anything else is failure.

Raven inherited their dad’s broad shoulders and their mom’s propensity for holding onto weight, no matter how much they exercised. They worked hard throughout school and took comfort in being an A+ student. They might not have been the thin, pretty one but at least they were going somewhere and doing something with their life. 

Raven’s high-pressure job means long hours and little time to rest and recharge. Like most people in their situation, Raven has very little time to prep home-cooked meals and often relies on takeout to keep up with deadlines. They are convinced that this is the reason everyone is concerned about their weight. If only they ate better and exercised more!

In their early twenties, Raven was in a relationship  that left them feeling unworthy and ashamed of their body. Food became both a comfort and a source of guilt. After an argument, they’d find solace in a pint of ice cream, the act of eating momentarily soothing the emotional sting. But as soon as the last bite was gone, the guilt would set in—an internal chorus of shame whispering, This is why you’ll never be good enough. Food became a battleground where Raven fought a losing war between sadness, hunger and self-loathing.

The Truth About Weight Control:

It’s Not What You’ve Been Told

For decades, diet culture has peddled the idea that weight control is a simple equation: calories in versus calories out. It’s a tidy myth that makes failure feel like your fault. But the truth is far messier—and much more human. Weight isn’t determined by willpower; it’s shaped by a complex web of factors most of us can’t control.

🧬Genetics and Hormones: Up to 70% of your weight variability is written in your DNA. Hormones like ghrelin, leptin, cortisol, insulin regulate hunger and fullness, while your genetic makeup influences how your body stores fat and responds to food.

🏭Urbanisation and Pollution: Living in urban environments exposes us to pollutants and disrupts natural rhythms like sleep and physical activity. These factors have been linked to metabolic changes and weight gain.

😔Childhood and Adult Trauma: Trauma leaves a mark not just emotionally but physically, altering stress hormones like cortisol and influencing the biology and chemistry of the brain. 

💸Income Disparities: Lower incomes limit access to education, nutritious food, and quality healthcare, creating systemic barriers to well-being. The stress of financial insecurity further exacerbates the body’s natural balance.

🧠The Gut-Brain Axis: The trillions of microbes in your gut communicate with your brain, influencing appetite, digestion, and even mood. Disruptions to this delicate system can affect weight regulation.

🍽️Food Insecurity: People facing food insecurity are under extreme stress, which is known to cause metabolic changes that promote fat storage. This isn’t about lack of willpower—it’s a survival response.

🪀Weight Cycling: Often called yo-yo dieting, weight cycling has been shown to damage your metabolism and increases your body’s tendency to hold onto fat. Each failed diet makes weight harder to lose and easier to gain.

This is why the odds are stacked against you, no matter how many kale smoothies or gym sessions you endure. The weight loss industry doesn’t want you to know this. They profit from your belief that it’s all your fault. But the science tells a different story: your body isn’t broken. The system is.

Raven's Diet Rollercoaster...

A few months ago, Raven decided to try yet another diet. This time they didn’t opt for a the latest fad or cleanse – instead they chose to make some lifestyle adjustments and do things the “right way”.  Raven threw themselves into it with their signature determination, counting every calorie, logging every bite, every step, every ounce.

At first, the results were thrilling. The scale budged, their clothes fit looser, and the compliments rolled in. Raven felt powerful, even smug, thinking, Maybe this time, I’ve cracked the code. But then came the cracks in the facade.

By Week 6, Raven started noticing a shift. Their energy, which had been high at the start, began to dip. The gym sessions that once felt empowering now left them drained, and it took every ounce of willpower just to lace up their trainers. At the same time, the cravings started creeping in. Foods they had sworn off started calling to them, louder and louder. At first, they fought it, white-knuckling through the temptation, but the effort left them irritable and distracted.

By Week 8, Raven was frsutrated. The scale, which had steadily rewarded their efforts in the early weeks, now seemed frozen in place. No matter how meticulously they logged their meals or pushed through grueling workouts, the numbers wouldn’t budge. Their clothes weren’t fitting any looser, and the compliments began to fade. Without the validation of visible results, Raven started questioning whether all the sacrifice was worth it.

By Week 10, the hunger became unbearable—a relentless, gnawing need that seemed to consume every thought. One evening, after a particularly grueling day, Raven found themselves standing in the kitchen, staring at a bag of chips they’d been avoiding for weeks. The hunger won out. They tore into it, eating handful after handful until the bag was empty. For a moment, the relief was almost euphoric. But as the crumbs settled, so did the guilt. Raven stared at the empty bag in horror, their mind racing with self-criticism. How could I let this happen? What’s wrong with me?

By Week 12, it was all over. Despite doubling down on the plan after the chips incident, Raven had regained some of the weight they’d lost. Their clothes felt snug again, and every glance in the mirror brought a fresh wave of shame. The voice in their head grew louder, harsher, repeating the same damning question: Why can’t I just stick to it? To Raven, it wasn’t just the diet that had failed. They had failed. Or so they thought.

the lies the diet industry feeds you

How Diets Set You Up to Fail

Let’s say you dive into a diet with all the motivation in the world. You cut calories, hit the gym, and start shedding pounds. At first, it feels great! But here’s what no one is willing to admit: your body isn’t celebrating with you. It’s panicking.

When you restrict calories, your body hits the brakes on your resting energy expenditure (the calories you burn just by existing). Meanwhile, your appetite skyrockets. It’s not because you’re weak; it’s because your body thinks it’s starving.

This is why people regain the weight they lose. Not because they didn’t try hard enough, but because their bodies are working overtime to restore balance. The deck is stacked against you, and diets are the house. Spoiler alert: the house always wins.

The myths that keep this toxic cycle alive

“You just have to stick to the plan”

We’ve all heard it: if you just follow the rules, you’ll be the exception. Other people fail because they’re lazy or undisciplined, but not you—you’re different. Wrong. Diet failure isn’t about your effort; it’s about human biology. Nobody beats it, no matter how many influencers tell you otherwise.

“Dieting is about self-control”

We’re told we can regulate our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors if we just try hard enough. The idea is that hunger is just a feeling you can ignore, like choosing not to cry during a sad movie. But hunger isn’t optional. It’s a survival mechanism. Trying to “control” it is like trying to “control” the urge to breathe underwater. It will work for a while but unless you come up for air eventually, you’re gonna drown.

“You should resist the impulse to eat, no matter what”

This one takes the biscuit (pun intended). The notion that resisting food impulses is a sign of moral strength ignores one glaring fact: eating is essential. Hunger isn’t a bad habit to break; it’s a basic need, like sleeping or breathing. Nobody shames you for being tired or needing oxygen. So why do we do it with food?

“Fat people just want instant gratification”

Here’s the nastiest myth of them all: fat people lack discipline. They’re greedy, lazy, and can’t delay gratification, right? Wrong. Choosing the “smaller, sooner reward” over the “larger, later reward” isn’t a moral failing; it’s a survival strategy. When your body is screaming for energy, you’re going to eat. That’s not greed; that’s biology.

Raven's Breaks Free...

Raven reached their breaking point after a particularly bad day at work. Their boss had criticized their latest design, they were running on three hours of sleep, and they’d skipped lunch to stay under their calorie goal. That night, scrolling through social media, they stumbled on one of my posts about weight inclusive care.

The message was simple yet radical: It’s not you. It’s the diet.

Raven found my podcast, skeptical but desperate for a change. When they found out that the first chapter of my No Weigh Program was free, they jumped at the chance. Because what they were learning completely and utterly blew their mind.

They learned about the science behind weight regulation and finally understood that their “failures” weren’t moral failings; they were the inevitable result of a system designed to fail.

The more Raven learned, the angrier they became. Why didn’t anyone tell me this before? How did I spend 20 years blaming myself for something out of my control?

The answer is diet culture. And once Raven broke free from diet culture once and for all, it completely reshaped how they approached their life and health. Instead of fixating on calories and restrictive rules, Raven learned to listen to their body, focusing on what truly mattered: health, joy, and self-compassion.

As they embraced this new perspective, unexpected changes began to ripple through their life. They found themselves brimming with energy—not because of some strict diet, but because they were finally prioritizing sleep and nourishing their body without fear or guilt.

With their mind no longer consumed by the exhausting cycle of dieting, Raven’s creativity soared. They poured their energy into their work, tackling projects they’d been putting off and even landing their dream client, something they’d never thought possible during those diet-obsessed days.

Raven also discovered a newfound strength in setting boundaries—not just with food, but with the people in their life who clung to harmful ideas about weight. For the first time, they felt empowered to advocate for themselves, standing firm against the pressures that had once kept them trapped.

Bit by bit, Raven’s life transformed—not because they lost weight, but because they gained something far more valuable: freedom.

The myth of willpower fuels

The diet cycle of doom

Raven’s Story Isn’t Unique - And That’s the Point

Raven’s journey is proof that freedom from diet culture is possible. They’re no longer chasing a number on a scale or measuring their worth in calories consumed. Instead, they’re living their life on their terms, armed with science, self-compassion, and unapologetic confidence.

Their story is your story. You don’t need to change your body. You need to change the story you’ve been told about your body. And like Raven, you can start rewriting it today. It’s time to stop blaming yourself for something that was never in your control.

The problem isn’t you—it’s the diet. Instead of chasing a number on the scale, focus on what actually matters: your health, your happiness, and your relationship with food. Because at the end of the day, you deserve better than a system designed to make you fail.

So, let’s say it one more time for the people in the back…

You didn’t fail the diet. The diet failed you.

Tackle the myths that keep the toxic cycle of dieting alive

join no weigh

It’s time to put an end to the lies the diet industry feeds you to make you feel like the failure. It’s time to chose no-nonsense, science backed, unapologetic truths over wishful thinking. Weight loss is unsustainable. It has no real long term health benefits, and it causes a lot of harm. 

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