Coming Out As Fat
Medical Trauma and the Fight for Dignity with Ross Anderson-Doherty
This week I sat down for an extraordinary conversation with Ross Anderson-Doherty, a non-binary performer, cabaret artist, and artistic director from Belfast who shared their harrowing yet ultimately triumphant journey through the healthcare system. Our discussion explored the intersection of medical fatphobia, transphobia, classism, and ableism, revealing how healthcare can become a weapon of punishment rather than care.
The Revelation of "Coming Out as Fat"
One of the most striking moments in our conversation came when Ross described their experience of “coming out as fat” in 2018. As someone who has navigated multiple coming-out experiences myself, I was immediately struck by this framing – yet I’d never considered fatness in these terms before.
“For me, coming out as fat means being open about the fact that you’re not on a diet,” Ross explained. “Obviously people can see you’re fat. But saying ‘I am fat and not I am trying to be smaller’ is a form of coming out.”
This revelation hit me like a lightning bolt. Ross is absolutely right – those experiences are remarkably similar to other forms of coming out. Both require:
- Rejecting societal expectations and norms
- Accepting potential rejection and discrimination
- Choosing authenticity over conformity
- Facing institutional and interpersonal hostility
- Building community with others who share your experience
When Healthcare Becomes Punishment
Ross’s journey through Northern Ireland’s healthcare system reads like a masterclass in medical trauma. What began as routine healthcare quickly devolved into systematic punishment the moment they refused to pursue weight loss as treatment.
“The reaction to me going, ‘No, thank you. I’m not interested in that. Thanks,'” Ross recalled, “was like I had tried to take a shit on their desk right in front of them. There was ice creeping up the walls. The conversation basically came to an end very quickly, and all of the other concerns that I had were dismissed pretty much immediately, and I was ushered out.”
This pattern repeated across multiple conditions: long Covid symptoms ignored, diabetes undertreated, ADHD medication denied, and hypertension managed only through psychiatric intervention rather than GP care. Each medical encounter became an exercise in humiliation and neglect.
Coming Our As Fat: The Intersection of Multiple Marginalizations
Ross’s story powerfully illustrates how fatphobia intersects with other forms of discrimination. As a fat, trans, non-binary, neurodivergent, working-class performer, they faced multiple layers of medical bias simultaneously.
Their description of being expected to perform as a “good gay man” – camp enough to be entertaining but ultimately subservient and grateful – reveals the complex hierarchies within medical settings. When Ross stopped performing this role and began presenting more authentically, the hostility intensified dramatically.
One particularly disturbing incident involved a doctor who became agitated when examining Ross while they wore a dress, ultimately shouting at them because he couldn’t bring himself to say the word “dress.” This intersection of fatphobia and transphobia created a perfect storm of medical negligence.
The Trauma Response
One of my ongoing challenges has been learning what feelings actually feel like in my body. Fear is easiest to identify, but other emotions remain elusive. I shared with Elle how I’m struggling with joy – trying to experience pleasure but wondering “isn’t it supposed to feel bigger than this, more exciting?”
Elle reassured me there’s no “correct” way to feel feelings. We’ve grown up in a world that makes it harder to access these sensations, cut off from our relationship with our own bodies, with other people, and with our environment.
This is where somatic practices come in – gentle movements and breath work that help us reconnect with our embodied experience. These practices aren’t about performing or achieving; they’re about noticing “I am a body” and paying attention to the life moving through us.
Rest as Resistance
The cumulative effect of years of medical mistreatment was devastating. Ross described developing panic attacks at the mere thought of visiting their GP – something they’d never experienced before. They eventually had to sever contact with their practice entirely, purchasing prescription medications online and watching their health deteriorate.
“I had all of this sort of collapsing down on myself, and no support from the doctors,” Ross shared. “I literally could not go to my doctor without having basically what was a full-on panic attack.”
This isolation lasted approximately 18 months, during which Ross’s blood sugars climbed, blood pressure increased, and long Covid symptoms remained untreated. The healthcare system designed to support them had become so traumatic that avoidance felt like the only option for survival.
The Lifeline: Weight-Inclusive Care
Ross’s salvation came through meeting a private GP who demonstrated what healthcare could look like. This doctor’s approach was revolutionary in its simplicity:
- She complimented Ross’s dress and glasses upon meeting them
- She listened without judgment
- She apologized for her profession’s failures
- She focused on managing numbers without requiring weight loss
- She treated Ross with basic human dignity
“One of the things that made me feel safe with her was the fact that when she met me she complimented the dress I was wearing straight off,” Ross explained. The contrast with their NHS experiences was stark – simple human decency felt extraordinary after years of hostility.
The Triumphant Return
Armed with improved health markers achieved without weight loss, Ross eventually returned to their NHS practice. The scene they described was both satisfying and revealing:
When asked about their excellent HbA1c results, Ross delivered what they called the most joyful sentence of their life: “No, no. I haven’t lost a kilo. I’ve just been seeing a private GP. And she prescribed a very low dose of a GLP-1, and it’s worked to bring my blood sugars down without me having to lose any weight. It’s been great.”
The panic that ensued among staff was palpable. Despite initially refusing to prescribe the medication themselves, the practice ultimately had to provide it after an endocrinologist confirmed Ross was managing their diabetes successfully without weight loss.
“Bitterness and spite is fueling any type of physical health I have right now,” Ross admitted with characteristic humor, acknowledging that their current wellness is partly powered by proving their doctors wrong.
Processing Medical Trauma
Our conversation touched on the unique challenges of processing medical trauma. Unlike other forms of trauma that society increasingly recognizes, medical trauma remains largely invisible because:
- The medical profession holds tremendous societal legitimacy
- We have very little choice but to trust healthcare systems
- Doctors’ bias often appears unintentional
- The institution hides its nature as an industry
Ross described still working through their response: “I think I’m still working out how I process trauma as a neurodivergent person. I think I need to do a lit review. I think I need to then write a paper or a play.”
Their current processing involves embodied practices – moving their body, singing, wearing bold lipstick, gamifying nutrition by adding beans and chia seeds to meals. These small rituals represent reclaiming joy and agency after years of medical dehumanization.
Coming Out As Fat: The Broader Context
Ross’s story may sound extreme, but it’s much more common than you think. It also reflects broader patterns in healthcare. The majority of doctors harbor significant weight bias, creating systemic barriers for fat patients. This bias intersects with racism, classism, transphobia, and ableism to create compound discrimination for those holding multiple marginalized identities.
The financial privilege required to access weight-inclusive private care highlights the inadequacy of relying on individual solutions to systemic problems. Ross was fortunate to find help, but countless others remain trapped in similar cycles of medical neglect.
Finding Community and Resistance
Our conversation ended with Ross’s delightful description of their TikTok success, where they’ve built what they call a “hures assembly” – a community celebrating boldness, authenticity, and rejection of conventional expectations. This virtual space provides what healthcare often denies: acceptance, humor, and mutual support.
“All types of hures are welcome,” Ross explained, “and it’s not necessarily your dedication to sex, whatever that is for you. It’s more about your dedication to a boldness and a bodiness and a lack of even acknowledgement of convention.”
Moving Forward
Ross’s journey from medical trauma to triumphant revenge offers several crucial insights:
👉 Medical fatphobia is real trauma that deserves recognition and healing resources
👉 Coming out as fat requires similar courage and community support as other forms of coming out
👉 Weight-inclusive healthcare is possible when providers focus on actual health rather than weight loss
👉 Intersectional discrimination compounds medical trauma for those with multiple marginalized identities
👉 Community and creativity can be powerful tools for processing medical trauma
👉 Individual success stories highlight systemic failures rather than proving the system works
Ross’s story reminds us that behind every “difficult patient” is often someone fighting for basic human dignity in a system designed to deny it. Their journey from trauma to empowerment offers hope while simultaneously indicting the healthcare system that made such suffering necessary in the first place.
Are you navigating similar medical trauma? Know that your experiences are valid, your anger is justified, and your demand for dignified care is reasonable. Ross’s story shows us that healing is possible, even when it requires fighting every step of the way. For more of Ross’s brilliant content, follow them on TikTok @cabaret_ross for their “hures assembly” – you won’t regret it.
This blog post is based on a conversation between Asher and Ross in Episode 21, Season 5 of the Fat Doctor Podcast. You can listen to the podcast or watch the video on YouTube.